Overthinking Quotes to Help Stop too Much Thinking

Most of the things we do require thinking and planning. Without thinking and planning, we might get nowhere. Thinking is a useful activity, but we also need to know when ... Continue Reading...

6 Tips to Stay Calm During College Applications

Applying for college is a stressful phase for both students and their parents. With so much already happening in high school, college applications bring with them the added pressure to ... Continue Reading...

5 Tips for Increasing the Attention Span

Do you have a short or long attention span? For how long can you fix your attention on what you are doing, before your mind moves to something else? Are ... Continue Reading...

Getting a L.E.G. Up (+ Limited Edition Prints!)

 

 

On Friday, my mom celebrated her birthday, and it never feels like I'm able to express how grateful I am for her presence in my life in the form of tangible gifts. You see, my mom is the absolute best mom. I know lots of people think their mom is the best, but I truly did get the best one. And this time of year, with her birthday and Mother's Day, always reminds me of how fortunate I am to call her mine.  

As someone who is incredibly fortunate to have an amazing mom, I sometimes feel guilty talking about the topic of how great my mother is. I know, for a lot of people, mothers — and motherhood — is complex. Whether you are a mother, want to be a mother, don't want to be mother, don't have a relationship with your mother, or have a difficult relationship with your mother, there are many reasons why this time of the year might be challenging. The whole country seems to shout "MOM!" in honor of Mother's Day, and if you're not a in a positive place with that word, it must be incredibly difficult. Knowing this, when I came up with the notion to create these exclusive Mother's Day prints (details below!), I hesitated. I didn't want to make things more difficult for those who are motherless (or mother-troubled). But I also knew that many of you have wonderful, loving, and inspiring mothers that, like mine, have likely influenced your life in a way that's almost impossible to put into words. 

So, I thought a great deal about these prints, and I did my best to create illustrations and words that could apply not only to those who have wonderful mothers, but also to those mother-like figures that many have in their lives. Whether it's a mentor, a family member, a friend, or a teacher, there are so many amazing women that give those in their lives a L.E.G. up with Love, Encouragement, and Guidance. And this time of year is as good as any to celebrate them and the valuable support they've given us. Read on to see my thoughts about the L.E.G. up I've been given by my incredible mom (and check out the prints, too!). 

 

Grab this print in the shop here!

LOVE

One of the most amazing things about mothers (or mother-like figures — I'll just be using the word "mothers" from here on out to make it easier, but know that these words apply not only to biological mothers, but to all kinds of wise and influential women who make the lives around them better) is their unconditional love. Over the years, I've done a lot of stupid things. I've said a lot of things that probably should have been kept to myself. I've been a brat and I've been a bitch. I've been cranky and I've been quarrelsome. (I've also done some cool and kind things, too, but those are so much easier to love!) Through it all — my highs and lows, my good times and my bad — I've never once questioned my mother's love for me. That's the great thing about great moms: they love you unconditionally, without hesitation, and regardless of the nonsensical choices you make in life. They're there for you in good times and in bad, and that's a pretty amazing thing when you think about it!

Grab this print in the shop here!

 

ENCOURAGEMENT

Not only is a mother's love unconditional, but it comes with a big heaping side of encouragement. No matter what I've been doing in my life, I felt my mom encouraging me to go for it, to take a leap, to try what I wanted to try. Even when things weren't working out as planned, I've always knew that my mom had my back and believed in me. It sounds silly — of course my mom believed in me; that's what moms do! — but it's not something that should be taken for granted. Not everyone is lucky to have a mother and, of those that do, not everyone is lucky to have one that is so encouraging and supportive. It can be easy to laugh off a mom's encouragement if it's something you've had all of your life, but it's a wondrous and magical thing. Without the support of my mom, her warm glow of belief-in-me, I might have not have tried all of the things I was brave enough to try. I might not be anything like the person I am today. 

 

Grab this print in the shop here!

GUIDANCE

One of the benefits of having the best mom in the world is that she's offered me just the right amount of guidance over the years. She's given me advice and is always happy to listen (without judgment, I might add!) to whatever quandary I'm facing. Through her words and her actions, she's taught me how to be a good friend, how to negotiate without fear, how to use attitude to improve circumstances (the very foundation of this site, in fact!). While I'll never be as wonderful as she is, I like to think I've learned a thing or two from her about what it means to be a good human being. She's given me advice and inspiration, but she's never pushed me to do what she wants. She shows me the way without forcing me down a path, which I know isn't the case for all mothers. I'm incredibly lucky to have been given support and guidance without any pressure or expectations, and I'm forever grateful for that perfect balance. 

 

I hope you, too, are lucky to have a wonderful mom (or mother-like figure) in your life to give you a L.E.G up in life! If you want to show her (or anyone else in your life) a little love with a special, limited-edition print, check out the shop here. These prints are available only until Sunday, April 28, 2019. Once they're gone, they're gone, so grab them while you can! (And use code "mom" for 20% off!)

How to Stop Thinking and Calm Your Mind

Do you think constantly? Do your thoughts race nonstop, like the waves on windy day? Does too much thinking spoil your focus and distract your attention? Are you having difficulties ... Continue Reading...

7 Ways to Avoid Making Bad Decisions in Life

Why are people prone to making bad decisions? Many would argue that poor choices are a part of life, and while understanding cognitive behaviour is an extensive process, the only ... Continue Reading...

6 Things You Should Stop Settling For

 

As the leaves start to sprout on the trees and the flowers begin to poke their heads up through the dirt, I'm reminded, once again, of how spring is the ultimate symbolic season of change and growth and blooming once again. After months of drab, colorless treetops, things are blooming as they always do, and it's showing me that we, too, can bloom again, even when things have been dormant for some time. One of the best ways to channel the springtime vibe of transformation is to investigate what we've been settling for.

When we can identify the areas in which we're not getting what we truly want in life, we're able to consider how we might reshape those aspects of our lives. Of course, such transformation won't happen overnight, but recognizing the places in which we might be settling is the first step towards change. Here are six areas in which settling should be avoided. But don't beat yourself up if you've been settling in these areas. Just consider how you might want to change them going forward. Like the seeds tucked underground all winter long, you, too, can recognize that there's more to life than dirt and darkness. You, too, can push out of your confines and stretch toward the sunlight you deserve. 

 

LUKEWARM LOVE AFFAIRS

Real love (not that easy falling-in-love stuff) is tough. There are highs and lows, good times and bad. But if you're not in it together — usually on the same team, mostly putting in the same amount of effort, having similar feelings for one another — it might not be a full-hearted kind of love. If you only see someone when it's convenient for them, if you put in all of the effort and get little in return, if you worry constantly if the other person feels the same, it's time to stop settling and seek out the kind of love you (we all!) deserve. 

 

JOY-STEALING WORK

Work — even the very best kind — is no piece of cake. It's tough, even when you love your job. But if it feels like it's sucking the life out of you, if it feels like it takes everything you've got and gives nothing back, it's time for a change. You might not be able to drastically change your work situation, but you can seek out a similar job in a new place, find a way to transform the work you're doing, or even take a pay cut to work in a more fulfilling environment. Most of us spend a huge chunk of our lives at work so it's definitely not an area of life where settling should be acceptable. 

 

FICKLE FRIENDSHIPS

Every relationship — even the best of friendships — has its ups and downs, but if you're putting in all the work, it's time to consider if it's worth it. Consider whether your friend is asking about your wellbeing, interested in your life, or doing kind things to show their appreciation for you. (And, on the flip side, consider if you're doing these things as a friend!) Relationships of all kinds should include give and take and if you're the only one giving, you're settling for less and should seek companionship elsewhere. 

 

SECOND-RATE STORIES

Life is short, so why settle for second-rate things? This is particularly true when faced with items that have tons of options (like books!). There is an incredible amount of text to be read in this world, so if the book is bad, put it down. Don't waste time on second-rate stories when you could pick up a magical, potentially life-changing work. Same goes for food (if it's bad, send it back), clothing (if it doesn't work, return it), etc. Yes, it can be easier to stick with what's already in your hand, but do you really want to look back a mourn all the time you wasted on second-rate nonsense?

 

DEADEND DREAMS

Consider, for a moment, what a dream life looks like to you. Is that your idea of an ideal scenario or someone else's? It is something that gets you up in the morning, pumped to started your day and move toward that dream? If not, you might be suffering from a case of uninspired dreaming. Reflect on what you really want — and make sure that you're not aiming towards goals that others have set for you or goals that you set for yourself a long time ago that no longer speak to what you want your future to look like. We change, and often our dreams do too. 

 

LACKLUSTER LEISURE

How are you spending your free time? Are you truly enjoying the activities you've deemed as "leisure"? If you are, awesome! Keep at it! But if you're doing something just because it's easy, you've always done it, or it's someone else's idea of a good time, consider exploring new leisure-time activities. In fact, maybe just try doing something different to see if you like it. If you're always watching TV, try going for a walk. If your weekends are spent on a hiking trail, consider a Netflix binge. Try new things to make sure you're not settling for how you spend your friend time! 

 

Life is short is such a cliche, but it's true. Too many of us (myself included!) are settling for things (and people...) because it feels easier than change. You're not alone if, like me, change intimidates you. But do what you can to find the courage to stop settling for less than you deserve. It's rarely easy to let go of what's comforting (even when it's unhealthy), but the sooner you do it, the sooner you'll have the freedom to pursue the things in life that add real value, that make you excited and empowered! 

 

 

 

Let Tarot Cards Positively Empower You

Tarot cards can help reveal your future. However, remember you also have the power to change any future outcome. The purpose of having a reading is to improve or maintain ... Continue Reading...

4 Inspiring Body Transformation Stories to Help Motivate Your Health Kick

Losing weight is a struggle for many. Between our busy schedules and our lack of motivation, it can be hard to make positive changes in our lifestyles. If you are ... Continue Reading...

Music and Happiness: Why Music Is a Major Key to Happiness

Music is a very powerful thing, and for sure, most people know this already. For some reason, there is a hidden beauty that lies within music. In every lyric, melody, ... Continue Reading...

Understanding the Standard American Diet: Pros, Cons & More

What Is the Standard American Diet? The Standard American Diet (appropriately abbreviated SAD) is a diet followed by the majority of Americans. It is also known as the Western Pattern ... Continue Reading...

7 English Learning Tools for Better Writing Papers

You are writing academic papers of adequate quality, but it seems that something is missing to take them to the next level and impress the rest of the class and ... Continue Reading...

Keeping Mentally Fit: Advice from 1952 (!)

How I came across the video Keeping Mentally Fit I'm not quite sure — pretty sure it's a combination of my own YouTube content and Safiya Nygaard's decades videos — but when I first saw the video in my recommended feed, I naively expected it to be filled with such out-of-touch advice that it would be laughable to those interested in self-help today. While some of my 1950s-era expectations were certainly met (blatant racism, overt sexism, and a bizarre understanding of mental health treatment — 2 out of 40 high school graduates could expect to someday spend time in a mental institution???), I was surprised by how relevant the advice actually was. 

While advice for living well has been part of human culture for centuries, it's booming growth in the late 20th century (and my own personal and professional focus on it) often makes me forget that, though it may not have always been as popular of an industry, self-help advice isn't new. And looking back at what was advised in the past not only gives us insight into how previous eras viewed self-help, but it also provides an interesting perspective of evergreen tactics for living life well. 

This particular video focuses on four key elements for acquiring, maintaining, and improving mental health: expressing emotions naturally, respecting yourself, respecting others, and solving problems as they arise. While these tips seem simple and, perhaps, obvious, I think it's worth exploring each one a little bit because often it's the simple, timeless advice that's the most taken for granted. 

 

EXPRESS YOUR EMOTIONS

Expressing your emotions was not at all what I expected to hear when I first started watching the video. There's so much talk in today's culture about how we all need to open up more about mental health issues, how we need to talk about more how we feel, that I was honestly quite surprised to see this advice being heralded back in 1952. 

Most of us know that bottling up negative emotions is bad. We might also know that, when not expressed in a healthy way, bottled up emotions tend to come out in unexpected (and often unpleasant) ways. But this portion of the video also touched on how important it is to express positive emotions as well. It touched on facing and expressing not only feelings of pain, but also on sharing positive feelings, like love, as well. Additionally, it touched on expressing emotions with consideration for others, which is something we all can benefit from taking to heart. 

This segment also highlighted the important notion of talking about feelings with a professional or trusted friend. The more you talk about your problems (particularly with a professional), the easier they are to solve. Expressing emotions can be really tough sometimes, but it's one of the best pieces of self-help advice out there, even all of these decades later! 

 

RESPECT YOURSELF

Next up, the video dives into one of my personal favorite topics — self-love. While that specific term has only risen to popularity in recent decades, the concept has apparently been of value for some time in the self-help space. I was particularly pleased to see how the video addressed the topic of perfectionism. Aiming for perfection is a struggle for a lot of people and learning not to be so hard on yourself (remember: you're human!) is such a positive message to master. 

There's often a struggle between the need to improve (the underlying, guiding force of a self-help video) and the desire to respect the self as is. The video addresses this, reminding viewers that it's great if you want to improve, but that doesn't mean you can't accept (and respect!) yourself just as you are right now. 

As someone who has a very stereotypical idea of what life was like in the 1950s — perfect little families living in colorful houses behind white picket fences, a notion I know is not based on reality but I can't help but see in my head when I think of that decade — I was thrilled to see that the issue of perfectionism was tackled. No matter what the era (or the situation), no one's life is perfect and striving for perfection often gets in the way of lasting self-improvement. 

 

CULTIVATE POSITIVE RELATIONSHIPS

In this segment of the film, the advice focused on getting along with others, having fun, and being part of the group. While this certainly isn't bad advice, it was a bit tricky for me to fully embrace in today's culture because I think we're realizing more and more that you don't have to have a large group of friends or fit in with the current trends to have a fulfilling, enjoyable life. Of course, surrounding yourself with positive people who enrich your life is always good advice but it's not always an easy thing to control, depending on one's circumstances and disposition. 

Today, I think we have a better understanding of the idea that different people crave different levels of social interaction. Joining a club, as recommended in the video, won't work for everyone. That being said, even if you're an introvert and prefer time spent alone, that doesn't mean you can't gain something positive from socializing (perhaps one-on-one if that's more your style). 

"There's no room for bashfulness in good mental health," something said in the video, isn't advice I'd agree with, but I do think the underlying point — that positive relationships have a big impact on mental health — rings true. Spending time with the right people is important for keeping mentally fit. 

Likewise, being a positive person in the lives of others is equally as important. As the video suggests, it's important not to expect others to be perfect, to let them go their own way sometimes, and to cultivate give-and-take in relationships. It's also important not to dislike or distrust people who are different from you (this point certainly wasn't showcased in the video — everyone looked pretty much the same! — but the words are just as important today as they were then). 

 

DON'T AVOID PROBLEMS

As someone who does a great deal of avoidance — I'm writing this post, in fact, because I sat down at my computer to do something that really needs to be done and instead of doing it, I've chosen to do this instead. Awesome. — I was so glad this was one of the four topics tackled in this video. Combatting a problem as soon as it comes up, rather than avoiding it as many of us are prone to do, is such obvious but important advice. 

The video reminds us that, when we avoid the things we don't want to do, the problem becomes three-fold: we worry about facing it for however long we're avoiding it; we deal with the struggle of actually conquering it; and we may fret over it after the fact, wondering if things might have been different had we handled it promptly.

Of course, depending on the problem, it's not always easy to face, but the video really made me think about what life would be like if, when a problem comes up, I chose to face it right away with the three words they mentioned in mind: calmly, reasonably, and honestly. It seems, at first glance, that it would be difficult to do, but is it really more difficult than avoiding the problem and still having to deal with it later? 

 

Though some of this mid-century advice might be a bit obvious, I'm glad I came across this video. It not only inspired me to pause and think about all four of these tips — each one really deserving of some attention — but it also opened my eyes to the fact that so much of what we talk about in the self-help space isn't new and, no matter what the decade, humans have always been working to improve their mental lives. 

What do you think of this advice and, if you watched it, the video? Let me know in the comments section below! 

 

 

 

How to Achieve Your Dreams

As children, many students hear the teachers remind them that they can achieve their dreams. If they put their minds to it, they can be anything they truly want to ... Continue Reading...

What Is Positivity – Definitions and Meaning

What does positivity mean? When you define a terms it becomes easier to understand it. Let’s define what positivity is. Definitions and Meaning of Positivity Positivity means thinking in an ... Continue Reading...

Positive Affirmations Can Change Your Life

Positive affirmations are positive statements or sentences about something that you wish to create in your life. These positive statements or sentences are repeated mentally or aloud. This process triggers ... Continue Reading...

Wanting v. Having : 5 Ways to Embrace Desire

If you need this reminder IRL, print is in the shop here! 

 

Materialism exists because we get excited about something, want to own it, get it, grow used to it (or even feel let down by it immediately after acquiring it), and then strive again for the "wanting" high by identifying a new thing to covet. The cycle can be endless, and even if you're aware of it, it can be tough to break because wanting something (and striving to make it yours) just feels so darn good sometimes. 

The problem is we often don't pay attention to where in that cycle of want-get-have-want that we actually feel good. Yes, getting a thing you've longed for can feel good to obtain momentarily, but frequently it doesn't feel as good as the actual desiring of it did. And we often (if not always!) return to our previous mental state after we've gotten used to possessing whatever it is we once wanted (see: hedonic treadmill).

Often this happens because the way we think about something we want is different from how we feel about it when we own it. Just think about the last time you got a new phone. The anticipation of it, with it's fresh screen and new features, was thrilling. And the first few days with it might have been exciting, too. But now, even if you use and enjoy it a lot, it's likely just something you own. 

The notion that more stuff won't bring you more happiness isn't anything new (and the rise in the minimalism trend keeps bringing it to the forefront in popular culture). Most of us know this (and some of us even put that idea into to practice by resisting the temptation to buy more and more things in pursuit of that short-lived high!), but we often don't focus on how this wanting vs. having idea applies to non-tangible things we're in pursuit of, things like love, status, wealth, success, etc. 

If you're in pursuit of anything at all, whether it be personal or professional, tangible or intangible, you, too, must face the fact that sometimes (and, in fact, often), the wanting of something is more enjoyable than the possession of it. Even if we experience this again and again — we find a great love, we get the job we desperately wanted, we achieve the goal we've worked on for years and yet still feel the need to desire something new or better or more important — it's hard not to keep pursuing more and more. 

The problem is, if we're always chasing after the next thing, we're rarely (if ever) content with where we are now, which makes it pretty difficult to live positively in the present. But how are we to counteract the desire for desire when it's built into our societies, when we're expected to constantly be seeking? Here are few ways we can embrace the ever-present desire to want what we don't yet have.

 

FOCUS ON EXPERIENCE, NOT POSSESSION

You've certainly heard this before: buy experiences, not things. But this concept need not apply only to material goods. It also applies to the intangible desires so many of us have. Experiencing something, whatever it might be, is often much more valuable than possessing it is. For example, rather than focusing the possession of a person (labeling a new romance, needing reassurance that a partner is "yours," or feeling an ownership over your offspring), what if we focused more on the experiences we have with that individual? Doing so will actually strengthen our bonds or, in some cases, help us to realize that perhaps that isn't a person with whom we want to be closely bonded. Or, let's consider the pursuit of greater career opportunity. What if we focused on the experience of working toward it and valued that more than the actual achievement of a new title? Or, once a new title has been granted, what if we spent more time valuing the experience of a new, higher position rather than considering how we might use it to pursue even more status or wealth? Choosing to focus on experiences rather than possessions (tangible or otherwise) is likely to lead to more contentment. 

 

LET GO OF WHAT YOU DON'T GET

It can be hard to realize sometimes when you're in a state of wanting, but the thing you want comes with baggage you cannot understand until you possess it. In the words of Benjamin Franklin, "If a man could have half his wishes, he would double his troubles." (Or, in the words of The Notorious B.I.G., "mo money, mo problems.") Whatever it is you want is going to come with a set of issues that you can't anticipate now. You don't know what you don't know, and sometimes you're often better off not acquiring the things you think you want. I know the "everything happens for a reason" idea is cliche, but I believe in it. You can't foresee what will happen in the future, and I've found that not getting what I want has been a blessing in many cases (and getting what I want has rarely lived up to its hype). If you don't get it, it means it's not meant for you. (Or it's not meant for you right now. Things meant for you have a way of coming when you need them, not necessarily when you want them.)

 

APPRECIATE WHAT YOU DO HAVE

If you're familiar with Positively Present, it's going to be no surprise to see gratitude  — probably one of the most used bits of advice here — in this round-up of tips, but making an effort to recognize and appreciate what you do have (particularly what you once longed for and then obtained) is one of the best ways to counteract the challenging notion of always wanting something else. Things only bring us joy when we're aware of them, which is why we take so much pleasure from wanting. When we want something, we're hyper-focused on it, sometimes consumed by thoughts what life will be like if we have it. Once we've had it for awhile, we don't often spend as much time thinking about it. When you find yourself thinking, "I want..." consider challenging it with the thought, "I have..." 

 

SEEK OUT THE ROOT OF THE WANTING

How much of what you want is what you actually want and how much is someone else's idea of what you should want? It's hard to know for sure — after all, we're all products of the cultures and environments in which we are raised and it can be hard to separate our true desires from what we've been taught — but the more you pay attention to the real reasons for what you want, the more you dig down into the roots of that desire, the more likely you are to realize that what you want is actually based on what you think you're supposed to want. Looking at why you desire what you do (and, just as importantly, what you think will happen if you obtain that thing) will often help you realize that your wants are often rooted in foundations not put in place by you. 

 

VALUE CONTENTMENT OVER HAPPINESS

"The pursuit of happiness" is part of the US Declaration of Independence and, as result, many people here and around the world have come to associate the pursuit of happiness with living life to the fullest. Happiness has been held up as the ultimate goal, something all people should be striving for in whatever way feels right for them. We've come to understand that, while happiness doesn't look the same for everyone, everyone wants to be happy. But, as I've discussed many times before, happiness is a fleeting emotion. It's wonderful, but it doesn't last. Making it your life's goal is setting yourself up for constant disappointment (which often leads to pursuit of the next thing that you think will make you happy). The pursuit of happiness is great for capitalism, but not so great for contentment. Instead of focusing being happy, try striving for contentment. Aim to make the most of what's happening now, to accept what's been and look forward to what will be without setting expectations. 

 

When you're in a state of wanting, it can be difficult to realize this, but it's true: whatever you think you need to be happy — money, fame, love, acceptance, beauty, attention, success, diamonds, children, a house, etc. — won't actually make you happier than you are now, at least not for very long. Realizing this doesn't mean you shouldn't keep pursuing what you want (for what is life if not pursuit?); it only means that you should stop expecting that the having will be greater than the wanting. It means understanding that, even though it seems strange, wanting something can be fulfilling in itself, and not getting what you want doesn't have to mean failure. And, most importantly, it means that, cheesy as it may sound, you'll be able to realize that it is, in fact, a journey towards something has just as much value (if not more!) than the thing itself. 

 

 

 

 

Why Meditate? Reasons and Advice

Do you know what meditation is? Why meditate at all? What will you get from meditation? Meditation is a mental – spiritual practice that relaxes the mind and the body, ... Continue Reading...

How to Make Your Daydreams Come True

All of us daydream, at least sometimes. In our daydreams, we live a different and better life, where we have love, money and the things we desire. The question is, ... Continue Reading...

What Is the Best Time to Meditate

People, who start meditating, often ask, “What is the best time to meditate?” The short answer is now. Now is the best time to meditate. Actually, any time of the ... Continue Reading...

On Toxic Positivity

 

As I've seen tremendous growth on Instagram over the past few years (which I'm certainly not complaining about!), I've also seen a rise in angry, unkind, and negative comments. This is to be expected, but when you've been doing this for a decade and are only now facing resistance, it's admittedly a bit of an odd feeling. It's new. And it's not great. 

Coupled with this strange, new feeling is the notion that, because my brand is all about being positive (a word that clearly has a variety of meanings for people, which we'll get into in a bit), I'm expected to behave in a certain way. Anything response I give that's not 100% cheerful, positive, uplifting, or agreeable is almost always followed by some version of, "well, that's not very positive of you!" 

The more I receive that kind of response, the more I realize people don't fully understand what I mean when I'm talking about positivity. And more and more, I'm receiving comments not only about my responses not being positive, but also about my content promoting what's known as "toxic positivity." 

Last week, I posted the image seen above on Instagram, and received a surprising number of comments related to toxic positivity, such as... 

"You seem like one of those people who tell people with actual depression, anxiety, insomnia, and other mental health issues that they should just think differently and it will go away."

"I'm really happy for you if a positive mindset brings you further in life, but don't erase the voice of those who don't follow your path."

"Positive thoughts backed by negative emotions is just negativity with a bow on it."

"Positivity can be toxic. If you are hoping for the best, you will be let down when the worst happens."

"Positivity doesn't work because it doesn't deal with the actual problem."

 

If you haven't heard of toxic positivity before, it's the idea that suggesting people be only positive, happy, and cheerful causes more harm than good. I agree with that. That's why you'll never see me post "good vibes only" or "if you want to be happy, be." Happiness isn't my goal in life — and it shouldn't be yours either. Happiness is great, but it's an emotion and, depending on your genetic makeup and your current situation, it might impossible to achieve. Positivity, on the other hand is a mindset, and one that can be chosen at almost any time. I've written about the differences between happiness and positivity before in "Happiness vs. Positivity: What's the Difference?" but I thought I'd take some time this week to address my understanding positivity in relation to the concept of toxic positivity. 

 

• Toxic positivity is referring to happiness (it should really be called "toxic happiness"); positivity and happiness are very different. As discussed in detail in the article referenced above, there's a big difference between happiness and positivity. Happiness is an emotion. Positivity is a mindset. Chasing happiness can be problematic (and often leads to unhappiness because, great as happiness is, it's a temporary emotional state and does not last). Pursuing positivity is not problematic because it is a mindset, not an emotion, and it can typically be accessed no matter what your emotional state might be. You cannot always be happy. You can almost always be positive. 
  
  
• Toxic positivity encourages ignoring negative emotions, but true positivity is not about avoiding, glossing over, or repressing emotions (positive or negative). A positive mindset is about accepting all emotions and doing whatever possible to work through them, understand them, and garner more self-awareness. I, personally, am often very unhappy, anxious, stressed, etc., but I do my best to take what I've learned over the past decade of working on being more optimistic to stay positive. The words "be positive!" don't mean avoid bad feelings. It means do what you can with what you have to make the best of the situation (or at least don't make it worse). 
  
  
• Toxic positivity presents itself as something anyone can do at any time, but positivity is a mindset that doesn't often come easily and must be worked at for most people. Though it is certainly very difficult at times, choosing a positive perspective is possible most of the time for most people. Happiness, however, is not accessible just because you want it. If something horrible has happened to you, you can't just be happy. You can, more often than not, be positive. Certainly there are situations (such as extreme depressive states or in the midst of a panic attack) when optimism does not feel like an option (it can be so difficult at times or the brain might be wired in such a way that it feels impossible), but, more often than not, positivity is possible in a way that happiness might not be. However, it does take work and practice to know how to find optimistic outlooks in difficult times. For a lot of people (and especially for me!), a positive mindset doesn't come easily and it requires a lot of work to develop it.  
  
  
• Toxic positivity embraces a fake-it-till-you-make-it attitude, but positivity isn't about putting on a fake smile or feigning cheer. Smiling, acting cheerful, etc. are all about the emotion of happiness. Pretending you are feeling good when you're miserable is not what positivity is about. It's important to remember that you can work on positivity; it's a skill. Happiness is an emotion. Yes, sometimes you can find ways to access it (like doing things or being around people who make you feel happier), but you can't force it. You can present outwardly that you're happy, but deep down, you can't make yourself happy if you're not. You can, with practice and the right mental toolkit, find ways to be optimistic. Which leads me to the last (and perhaps most important point)...
  
  
• Toxic positivity aims for good vibes at all times; positivity won't necessarily make you happy. If you are going through a difficult time, if you are dealing with depression, if you have intense anxiety and it's been triggered, being positive isn't going to make you happy. The thing about positivity is: it doesn't necessarily make things better; it just doesn't make them worse. Positivity is not the same as happiness and it will not necessarily make you happy. Positivity isn't a cure for your emotional state; it's a mindset to adopt when life is difficult (and also when it's great). It will not change the world around you; it will only impact the way you see it. 

 

Toxic positivity should actually be called toxic happiness because the "just be happy!" attitude has nothing to do with maintaining an optimistic outlook. Positivity is about assessing the situation, understanding your feelings, looking to see if there's anything you can do to make the situation better, and, if there's not, doing what you can do make the most of whatever the situation is. It's not about pretending. And it's definitely not about happiness. 

When people come by this page or follow me on Instagram, they see the bright colors and the cute illustrations and assume that I'm a happy, cheerful, life-loving person without a care in the world. The truth is: I'm just a normal person. I'm someone who has had anxiety my entire life. I've been depressed (not just sad, but actually depressed). I've had some really bad things happen to me. For the past decade, I've been working on living more positively in the present, and I still have highs and lows just like everyone else. I'm happy sometimes, sure, but I certainly wouldn't classify that as one of my top emotional states. And, as long as I can keep being positive and doing my best to live in the present, I'm okay with that. 

 

A Note about Optimism on Instagram

Writing the article above got me thinking about how my content is perceived on Instagram, so here are a few thoughts on that...

I spend a lot of time creating my posts for Instagram. This isn't just me doodling for a bit and then posting. When creating the post referenced above, I thought very carefully about the words I chose to use. I specifically did not use "depressed," for example, because, while it is possible to be depressed and positive, it is often so challenging that it feels impossible. Likewise, I chose the word "can" because it means that it's an option. If you're sad, you can be positive, but you don't have to be. Also, the notion that you can be two things at once is the core message of that illustration. Our emotional states are often very complex, and we should allow ourselves the freedom to feel multiple things at the same time. 

When I'm creating something that's based entirely on my own ideas (not a quote someone else said), a great deal of time goes into really thinking about whether the words I'm writing are true. I'm incredibly analytical by nature, so when I've posted something (especially on Instagram), I've typically spent a lot of time reflecting on how it might be perceived. I do my best to look at it from a number of points of view and assess if it might be misconstrued or misunderstood. It might just look like cute little drawings to the average viewer, but a lot of thought goes into the words and images I choose.

That being said, I'm also creating things that I need to see, writing words that speak to what I'm struggling with in that moment. Though the Positively Present brand has grown over the years, is still me, Dani, trying my best to cope with my own negative, anxious, and melancholic mind. What is true for me might not be true for everyone else. I'm not a doctor, a therapist, or a guru. I'm not psychologist, authority figure, or philosopher. I'm a creator, sharing my experiences with the world.

So, whether it's something on my Instagram account or something you've seen elsewhere online, I'd urge you think critically and with an open mind before making judgments or remarks about the content. What you see might not speak to you, but it might be true and useful for someone else (and, in the example of this particular post, I know it resonated with a lot of people). When it comes to the content you see on my page or pages like mind, keep an open mind. Take what works for you, and understand that not everything will. And know that, at least in my case, I've spent a lot of time thinking about what I post. It might look pretty and light-hearted, but behind every post there's a lot of time spent thinking, analyzing, and carefully choosing words that I hope will help people (and me!) get better at living more positively in the present — regardless of whether or not we're currently happy.